Wednesday, September 07, 2005


By Stockton

Within hours after his death, Chief Justice William Rehnquist ordered his attorney to file a writ of certiorari seeking leave to appeal his death. Along with the writ, an order to show cause was filed seeking a stay of his expiration pending the outcome of the appeal.

According to his clerk, the Chief Justice intends on performing all of his Supreme Court duties until all appeals are exhausted. In the meantime, the Chief Justice will draft all of his opinions with the aid of television psychic John Edwards.

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Rehnquist opinions will now be
filtered through famed psychic

In related news, President Bush's hope of building a Supreme Court "in his image" was dashed just the other day with the death of Bob Denver. Denver had been the President's leading contender to fill Justice O'Connor's seat on the court.

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Bush's choice to replace O'Connor
now dead

"The President is disappointed in Mr. Denver's death," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "The two had a strong intellectual bond. The President always believed that having his little buddy on the court would be like the President himself sitting on the court."

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