Monday, August 22, 2005


By Stockton

President Bush's first Supreme Court nomination may have been delt a fatal blow yesterday when it was revealed that Judge Roberts has been leading two lives.

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Bush introduces Judge Roberts, Mrs. Roberts, their daughter
and the Judge's Clerk

There is the mild-mannered Federal Judge and former Reagan attorney well-known and respected in Washington D.C. and then there is the darker side of Judge Roberts. Late yesterday afternoon, Bad Vernacular learned that Judge Roberts is also Mike Brady, southern California architect* and father of six.

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Roberts (Mike Brady) with his other family
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On vacation in Hawaii

The revelations have shaken the DC legal community and few are willing to speculate how it will effect his nomination to the nation's highest court.

The revelation came to light during a review of Judge Robert's opinions, which almost always began, "I think we've learned a valuable lesson here..."

Roberts' southern California neighbor, Clyde Culver, always found his neighbor "a bit funny." Says Culver: "They were just weird. Who has artificial turf for lawn? That's strange but to top it off, they have a lawn mower too."

There are also allegations that on a trip to Hawaii, one of Roberts sons (Bobby) looted a sacred Polynesian artifact known as a Tiki.

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Roberts - Mike Brady - Or both?

According to one source, known only as Sam the Butcher, Roberts married a woman named Carol, who had three daughters by another man. That information has not been confirmed. Roberts (Brady) refused to comment, saying only that the revelations are"Cousin Oliver's fault. That kid has always been jinxed."

* Brady claims to be an architect but no record of a license exists and no one has ever seen a building designed by Mr. Brady. Rumor has it that Brady did design a state of the art complex but those plans were lost on an amusement park trip.

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