Wednesday, August 17, 2005


By Stockton

The Kansas Board of Education, having battled the theory of evolution, has set its sights an another pernicious scientific theory.

This fall, the Kansas Board of Education will tackle the thorny theory of gravity.

"It's just a theory," says Reverend Matthias Gutermote, pastor of Topeka's New Church of the Divine Resurrection and End of Days Mini-Mart. "I mean, no one has actually seen gravity, have they?"

Critics of the theory of gravity do not advocate wholesale removal of the theory from science textbooks. Rather, they desire to see more criticism of a theory they see as troublesome.

"There's some real questions we have about this gravity theory," says Bill Edmonson, father of 6 boys and 6 girls ranging in ages from one to twelve. "I mean, I'm 30 years old and in all my time I haven't seen this gravity stuff. It sure as hell isn't mentioned in the Bible. Maybe stuff falls because the world tilts one way or another or because there's nowhere to go but down. And what about hot-air balloons? Huh? They don't fall, they rise. Rise I tell ya. I'm just saying, the Sun's been going around the Earth for over 6,000 years. It ain't fallen has it?"

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