Friday, July 08, 2005


By Stockton

With one, possibly two, openings on the Supreme Court, many of you no doubt wait with anticipation for the Senate Confirmations Hearings. Well wait no longer. Here's a sneak preview. Honestly, don't we all know how they'll go?

Senator Hatch: Judge X, thank you for your time. I know it has been a long day and you must be tired. I'll get right to my questions. I'll keep them brief because it's late and I know you must have better things to do than to listen to another Senator drone on and on and on and on....

Judge X: Thank you Senator.

Senator Leahy: Judge X, if you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?

Senator Hatch: and on and on and on...

Judge X: I think it would be inappropriate for me to commit on a hypothetical, Senator Leahy. Let me just say this: I would like to be a Scotch Pine....

Senator Kennedy: Did you say Scotch?

Judge X: or maybe a Blue Spruce. But let me be clear. Those are two types of trees I'd like to be. I am not saying that if I were a tree, I would be a Pine or Spruce. I'm saying that I would like to be either of those two trees.

Senator Coburn: Would you, Judge X, as a Pine or Spruce, have strong Christian roots?

Judge X: The strongest, senator.

Senator Sessions: Judge X, in your opinion, was Brown v. Board of Education a colossal mistake or a devastating disaster?

Senator Biden: Excuse me, Judge X. I have to update my blog.

Senator Schumer: Judge X, is there room in your forest of Scotch Pines and Blue Spruces for trees with Jewish roots or Islamic roots?

Senator Feingold: Hey, that was my question.

Judge X: Uhmm, of course Senator....

Senator Cornyn: Any Box Turtles running around in that forest, Judge X?

Judge X: I....Box Turtles?

Senator Kennedy: I, positive that someone said Scotch.

Senator Brownback: Getting back to the issue at hand, Judge X, is it your opinion that a...say an an acorn already an oak? Or does an oak have different rights than an acorn?

Judge X: That decision should really be left up to the states. The Constitution does not make any reference to foliage. None whatsoever.

Senator Coburn: Were you aware that over 1,000,000 acorns a year are systematically slaughtered while we stand by and do nothing?

Judge X: wasn't...

Senator Kennedy: Maybe a Dingo ate your acorn...

Senator Hatch: and on and on and on.

Senator Feinstein: Judge X, will you tell us your name.

Senator Coburn: Typical Liberal. Trash him why don't you.

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