Wednesday, July 13, 2005


By Stockton

After years of trying to find the root cause of child molestation, especially by Catholic priests, Rick Santorum has discovered that root cause: The City of Boston. According to Santorum:

"The basic liberal attitude in that area . . . has an impact on people's behavior," Santorum told the Boston Globe yesterday. ''If you have a world view that I'm describing [about Boston] . . . that affirms alternative views of sexuality, that can lead to a lot of people taking it the wrong way....I was just saying that there's an attitude that is very open to sexual freedom that is more predominant in Boston."

"Look at the Boston Tea Party," said Santorum. "A group of men, dressing up, late at night. Were they really dumping tea into the harbor? Don't be naive."

Santorum went on to note more evidence that Boston leads people to take it the wrong way:

1) It is well documented that Paul Revere had a "special" relationship with his horse;

2) All those frilly lace collars and cuffs during the 18th Century;

3) John Hancock.

4) The Minute Men;

5) The Big Green Monster;

6) Mike Dukakis.

Sy Goldberger has first hand knowledge of the phenomenon and agrees with Santorum. "I like to consider myself as straight as an arrow. After all, I'm a happily married 57 year old Jewish man. My wife and I decided to spend a weekend in Boston. Within minutes of just walking through Cambridge, right near Harvard, an overwhelming desire to bend over and be sodomized took me. Needless to say, Ruth and I left immediately. It was a close call. I'll never go back there again. And even if I do, which I definitely wont, I won't bring Ruth."

Asked about the GOP mantra of personal responsibility, Santorum said, "We only use that when it's convenient."

The City of Boston is now being named in priest/sex scandal cases for 'fostering an atmosphere that is molestation friendly'.

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Santorum, seen here, gazes meaningfully
at Mr. Chalabi

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