Sunday, June 26, 2005

ATTORNEY GENERAL LIBERATES NIPPLE OF JUSTICE

By Stockton

In a move that highlights the fanatical degree of his predecessor's rightwingery, rightwing Attorney General Alberto Gonzales has removed the curtains that shrouded justice for the past few years.

After more than three years of being blocked by large blue drapes, two Art Deco aluminum statues of semi-nude figures in the building's Great Hall can be seen again. The "Spirit of Justice" and the "Majesty of Justice," which loom over the stage in the Great Hall, were blocked from view by curtains installed by the department in January 2002, when former Attorney General John Ashcroft was in office. The curtains were quietly removed on Friday after a decision by Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, Justice Department spokesman Kevin Madden said.


It was also learned that both statutes had undergone sleep deprivation, were subjected to Christian rock music and were otherwise humiliated during Ashcroft's tenure at the Department of Justice. One report revealed that an unnamed Ashcroft aid flushed a copy of the Constitution down the toilet in the presence of the two statues.

Gonzales disputes reports that the curtains were removed as a 'dig' at Ashcroft. "We simply learned all there was to learn from these two detainees," said the Attorney General. "Then we released them."

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Unknown man demonstrates how he held the
statues after the night cleaning crew had left
the building


FUN FACT: Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is 23x's more spicey than the last two attorneys general.



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