Monday, April 18, 2005

NEW NATIONAL EMBLEM

By Tweed

I read this, and figured our national emblem should be changed to:



Sunday, April 10, 2005

FOR OUR READER

Editors

Stockton & Tweed and Bad Vernacular will be signing off for a few weeks (maybe four, maybe six, maybe eight). We are not abandoning BV or the fight to return good drugs and hot women to the White House.

However, a variety of things have become apparent. First of all, lampooning Bush has lost much of its relevance because Bush has lost much of his relevance. He's a lame duck, very unpopular now and making fun of him on a regular basis makes as much sense as making fun of Warren Harding.

Secondly, we'd never be able to keep up the pace through to the next election. That's a fight we want to join in and we don't want to be burned out for 2008.

Thirdly, the Schiavo matter has left a bad taste in our mouths (along with the cheap bourbon we drink). No matter where you stand on the issue, and there are plenty of grey areas, the circus that erupted was despicable. Yes, it was the fault of the Christian Right, but that makes the spectacle no less despicable.

So, we are going to go on hiatus. We'll post if we feel like it and do nothing if we feel like it. Basically, it's time to re-charge the batteries and see what direction we are going to take Bad Vernacular. We may end up doing more social satire than political for now. Who knows. We may abandon our serious entries for more of a comical look at the world. Either way, we hope to be back refreshed and ready to go.

In the meantime, we leave you with this, possibly the best damn link ever. Have fun with it.
We've had fun making the cut-outs.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT

By Stockton


Oral Sex Safe and Not Really Sex, Say U.S. Teens

CHICAGO (Reuters) - One in five U.S. teenagers say they have engaged in oral sex, an activity that some adolescents view as not sex at all and certainly less risky than intercourse, a report released Monday said.

The survey of 580 children with a mean age of 14-1/2 found 20 percent said they had engaged in oral sex, compared to 14 percent who said they had engaged in sexual intercourse.

"Adolescents also believed that oral sex is more acceptable than vaginal sex for adolescents their own age in both dating and non-dating situations, oral sex is less of a threat to their values and beliefs, and more of their peers will have oral sex than vaginal sex in the near future," she wrote.

Scientists and child behavior experts had some hard questions for the youth of today. "I can't believe what these children today are thinking," said Sociologist Ken Layman. "If you don't think oral sex is sex, you're just not doing it right."

Princeton Professor Lisa Mellman agrees. "There's no way that fellatio should be less of a values threat. Trust me. I remember the Sunday morning walk of shame quite well, when all I wanted to do was get my hands on some mouthwash and forget the weekend."

Saturday, April 02, 2005

PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATIONS

By Tweed

On the same day the Presidential commission on intelligence gathering about Iraq weapons of mass destruction reported that that the intelligence community performed about as well as the 2004 Montreal Expos, the architect for the War in Iraq, Paul Wolfowitz was confirmed as head of the World Bank.

Additional Bush nominations are in the pipeline and include:

Joan Crawford to head Head Start;


Only available photo of Ms. Crawford

Tom Hagen for Attorney General;


Mr. Hagen with client at a board meeting

Andrew Fastow at Treasury;


Mr. Fastow being escorted to the White House

Tommy Chong as the new Drug Czar.


Mr. Chong already has his own action figure

SPECIAL NEWS ALERT

A Bad Vernacular Exclusive

The man millions of people loved and trusted has finally departed this world.

Thousands stand vigil outside his residence.


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