Wednesday, March 16, 2005

LOOKING TOWARDS 2008*

By Stockton

The 2008 Presidential Election is almost upon us. In the next few weeks, candidates will be testing the waters. After that, with only 46 more months to go, it will be difficult to gain ground on candidates who got out there early.

Faced with the looming election, Bad Vernacular has some tough choices to make: Do we endorse a candidate, do we stay neutral, do we promote an 'anybody but....' campaign?

First, we had to determine what kind of President we wanted to see in 2008. These criteria came to mind:

1) Foreign & Domestic Policy experience;
2) Ability to communicate;
3) Intelligence and wisdom;
4) Compassion.

The problem is, many people can lay claim to those attributes. Then it came to us. What did we really want in a President? What did we really want after Reagan, Bush, Clinton and Bush?

After much soul searching we hit upon the answer. A Hot President. Enough with grey-haired southern yokels. We want a hot President: one that looks good in a pair of tight jeans, one with a nice pair of legs, one who will charm foreign leaders and the United Nations. Someone who will look good in a belly shirt and miniskirt while giving a press conference in the Rose Garden. Partisanship be damned.

Unfortunately, our search is limited to Congress and Governors, women who actually have some chance of getting the nomination. But have you seen some of them? And before any angry females contact us, we are hardly saying there is an over-abundance of handsome, male politicians. Quite the contrary. It just so happens we are look for a female candidate. Females looking for 'Hot' male politicians will face the same predicament. The best and the brightest might enter politics, but not the prettiest.

So here are the finalists in our search (and it aint pretty, people):

Reviewing the list of Representatives, the name Virginia Fox (NC-5th) sounded promising:

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But not so much!**

Joanne Davis (VA -1st) is attractive for an older politician and she appears open minded when it comes to experimenting with certain 'devices';

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But we don't think she'll pull off the belly shirt requirement.

Melissa Hart (PA-4th) is not unattractive:

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But she looks too....well....beefy for our purposes.

This one's pretty cute and probably has a decent supply of sexy clothing:

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Still, she might be a bit too feminine for the country.

Anne Northrup (KY-3rd) isn't ugly, but the intern on the right may have a real shot at a future BV endorsement:

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Governor Granholm (MI) looks nice and we like the sultry pout:

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Alas, she was born in Canada.

Finally, a potential contender, Stephanie Herseth (SD):

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Herseth is on the right. Not shabby for a gal pol.

Lastly, Louisiana's own Senator, Mary Landrieu:

We could live with her too.

If you can think of anyone else let us know. Right now, it looks like Herseth - Landrieu in 2008.

Next week - Nuns we'd like to see made Pope

* Or PWLTF

** This is not, I repeat not, the Virginia Fox that captured our hearts in Bend Over Babes II - IX




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