Saturday, December 18, 2004
"Over one million blogs are published every year. This is one of them." - William F. Buckley
"Likely to become the basis of a new world order." - George H.W. Bush
"If you want to burn in the pits of hell and endure eternal torture and damnation, read this."
- John Ashcroft.
"The prettiest thing I've seen since my Mother-in-Law after a pub crawl." - Tony Blair
"It's the best thing to masturbate to since what's her name sued me." - Bill O'Reilly
"I can't believe I ate the whole thing." - Rush Limbaugh
All comments are welcome. However, the following rules will be strictly enforced:
1. Comments containing foul language will not be tolerated;
2. Rule #1 is bullshit!;
3. Actual conservatives are welcome to comment;
4. No skateboarding or handball;
5. No rollerblading;
6. Pretend conservatives are free to comment. However, as there is a 93.5% chance that the comment will contain dangerously high levels of idiocy, the comment will be turned into a post and ridicule will ensue;
7. Commentators subjected to Rule #4 have the right to appeal to the Editors at the Editors monthly meeting;
8. There will be no monthly meetings;
9. Friday Night is Ladies Night. No cover charge.
JOIN BV'S CRUSADE
Are you a Fundamentalist Christian? Feel like you're shirking your scriptural duty in spreading The Word and converting those damned to the infernal regions? Fear not. Join Bad Vernacular's Crusade to the Mid-East.
Here's your opportunity to sell your worldly possessions and hit the road, just like Jesus. You will experience the thrill of converting thousands in such exotic locales as Beirut, Damascus, Baghdad and Tehran.
Imagine; You, alone, armed only with your Bible and Faith, going door-to-door in such places as Aleppo, Medina, Cairo, Tabriz and Khartoum. Now you'll have the chance to demonstrate your true faith by heeding the call of Fundamentalism.
For becoming a BV Future-Martyr, you'll receive a free, year-long subscription to Bad Vernacular and a tote bag. Don't waste another second. Become a martyr today!
To join, simply leave your name, address, phone number and your destination of choice and we will get back to you as soon as possible. Future-Martyrs from Ohio, Florida, Nevada and New Mexico get our preferred rate and could be walking through downtown Jeddah in less than a week. Good Luck and God Bless.
Brought to you by HandzOff, the Anti-Masturbatory Gum
FOR BUSH SUPPORTERS
Bad Vernacular is pleased to provide true Bush supporters with the following links:
Join the United States Army, or
The United States Marine Corps, or
The Army National Guard.
Remember to tell them that you are volunteering for service in Iraq and tell 'em Bad Vernacular sent you (if we sign up 100 or more we get a free gift). Let us know how it works out.
If you truly advocate for the Iraq War and refuse to even attempt joining one of the above, maybe you don't know about a little something called Patriotism. If you have joined, good for you. If you joined prior to September 11, 2001, thank you for your service and good luck.